Rough Day

As I sit here, I am listening to There is a Reason (Caedmon's Call). After a long day with the kids and it seeming as if everyone and everything is going against me, this song is such a precious reminder of my call as a mom. No other job I have ever had before I was a mom did I not have the option of quiting. I have had times that I totally want to throw the towel in. Today being such. Although when my oldest tells me he really needs a hug from mom and my little ones tell me "I wuv you, mommy", I can't help but want to sign up for another day. How precious are these times. How one day I will look back and miss these days. Now, isn't that a funny thought! When you think of Mount St. Helens in your laundry room, all of the toys you step on in the middle of the night, the constant mess (even when you just cleaned up), the dishes, the cooking, the taxi service you run and the many other things we do...yes, I tell you I will miss it terribly one day! What an awesome job we have! Five very precious souls have been given to me to teach. Some days I am flying in the clouds. Some days I feel like only my nose is above water, struggling to find a little air (Spiritual nourishment) to make it through the day. But, I tell you what, I would do it over and over again. I pour my heart and soul into these kids. I have done things for them that I would never do for another soul! Listen to Sacred by Caedmon's Call. My favorite line is also one of my prayers "teach me to run to You, I can feel the banks harden, Lord, make me like a stream to feed the garden". When days are like today, it seems like I get in the moment and forget to run into my Daddy's arms. It always comes later, but why doesn't it come as my first reaction? I pray that God will show me how to be deeper in my relationship with Him so that running to Him is my first reaction. I want to show that to my kids. I want to feed my garden, so that they can grow in what is the most important facet of our life--our precious relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Lord, make me Yours. Allow me to pour forth to these kids Your love. Let the fruit of the Spirit come out of me quicker than the flesh. Help me not to react in anger, but to correct in love. Watch my tongue and allow the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart to be acceptable to You, my precious Lord. Help me to run to You in the heat of the moment. Allow me to see what it is that You would do. Let me leave a legacy of a Christ-like mom. Help my children to see Your love flowing through me correcting them so that they can follow You throughout their lives. Mold their hearts, Lord. Shape them into what would make them usable by You. Work through me throughout their lives. Thank you Lord, for trusting me with this job. I pray that I will do it and do it well. I want to have the integrity Daniel had even when faced with a seemingly impossible situation. I love You, Lord. Amen.

Growth--Spiritual and Family

As I sit here tonight and think over what God has been doing in my life, I am overwhelmed. I feel like for years I have been stuck in this baby Christian mode, and finally with God's help, I am breaking free. There are so many things God is teaching me and in the process freeing me from the bondage of my flesh. Although I have so much further to go, I am constantly reminded of the awesome and mighty God who before I was even a figment of anyones imagination here on earth, He sent His precious Son to die for me! Not only that, He gives me hope, freedom and fills the emptiness that comes from being human. Thank you God for all that you have done, continue to do and will do for me throughout my life!
With that said, there has been alot going on in our lives this summer. My family has not been doing much, yet we are always busy. My list of "to dos" grows everyday, but I rarely get even close to the end of it. I stay tired. The funny thing is that I don't want to miss it. God has blessed me with some of the most precious little hearts and I couldn't love them any more. Seeing them in the process of being molded, although hard at times, brings me to my knees for guidance and support yet allows me some of the purest happiness. I know you relate.
Besides my summer with the family seeming crazy, my dad has been the main topic these days. He has been incapacitated for about six weeks with something that we are not sure of attacking his joints. Daddy is older, but seeing him go from being able to do most anything to crying and not being able to do simple tasks is hard to put into words. Add to that the diagnosis of prostate cancer and you will know that we have also been praying for him. (The good news is that it is contained and surgery is an option! Yeah!)
To have a happier note, my husband was watching Paula Dean the other day. She was making omelets and she put them in plastic ziploc baggies, added ingredients and put them in boiling water to cook. That sounded like a good idea, so we tried it with the kids. They were really good. To say they were my first beautiful omelet was an understatement! The kids loved them and Will came up to tell me that he loved his "goo". I suppose I don't make enough eggs seeing as he called them "goo". I suppose that was even funnier because he calls everything chicken. Ribs, roast beef, it doesn't matter, it is all chicken. So, you see why that struck me as funny. Emily enjoyed the omelets as well. She commented while smacking quite loud that they were great and why haven't I ever made these before?
Tyler is just growing up before my eyes. I am so proud of him, too. He is quite responsible and extremely smart. He is trying football at my recommendation this fall. Although he is not real happy about trying a sport he really doesn't know alot about, he seems to have a good attitude so far. Kaitlin has been taking a tennis camp this week and she has surprised me just how much she enjoys it. I think she may have found her niche. We are talking about putting her in to lessons this fall. Emily is just being Emily. She thinks she is going to become a professional singer one day--like Hannah Montana or one of those High School Musical stars. It seems that would be just up her alley. She told me today that she wanted to play drums or guitar. Only my Emily!
So that catches you up on everything in our house. Except I didn't mention that I have been doing one of the best Bible studies. It is by Denise Glenn. The name is Freedom for Mothers. I hope that everyone elses summer is going well.
Live with purpose. Pray like you never will again. Love and enjoy your family--you never know how long we have to spend with them and make a difference.

Bathroom break...

How I love writing, yet there is not enough time in ones day to do everything! I just had to stop in quickly for a funny story. I four of the five kids to Kroger the other day. Thinking we would just run in for what I call a quickie, I got the twins in a cart and pulled the girls away from their games they were playing to run in. We hadn't even made it to the front door when my youngest little girl decided she could not hold it, she had to go to the bathroom right that minute. So, I told her to run in and we would be there at the entrance of the bathroom waiting on her when she finished. While the twins and Katie and I were waiting, I noticed a black and white photo of one of the first Kroger stores in the area. It had been blown up and I was reading about it when I decided to engage my older daughter in a "look see" of this photo. I asked her if she noticed the picture and she said, "Yes mom, it says it is one of the first Kroger stores in the area." I said, "Doesn't it look like a really old photo?" KK got a really contemplative look on her face and then quite seriously announced, "Mom, that was back before the world had color!" I thought I may have to run in to the bathroom I was laughing so hard at her comment. I guess I never thought to mention to my sweet little girl that they just did not have color in photos back then! Thought you might enjoy a funny for the day!
I will try to write more later! God bless you.

Potty Training Woes...

Have you ever tried to potty train twins? I have to admit that training one is quite possibly one of my least favorite parenting duties. Yet, now I see two little boys who are way too big for their diapers. So, this week has been a challenge. I really can't complain though. Ben is doing great. He even put himself on the potty when he needed to poo poo. Can I tell you just how proud of him I have been? He must know that mommy hates this duty! Well, on the other hand, we have Will. Will really thought potty training was great for about a half of a day. Now, I am waiting for that sweet little smiling face to come tell me where he hid to poo poo or pee pee. I finally broke down and put them both in pull ups tonight as night time is becoming difficult for my washing machine. Okay. If I am really honest, it is difficult on me (not really the washing machine) having to pull beds apart everyday! I think God made little toddlers so cute so we could put up with all of the things you go through with them! Have I mentioned the temper tantrums before...yes, I am sure it has been mentioned! Besides potty training, I was busy this week with a dinner theatre we had at our church. I went beyond my comfort zone and had a part in a play! I am pretty sure I can relate this to the first time I went out to witness with my church. I prayed alot and got real nervous! Luckily, no one booted me off stage though! After this crazy week, I am ready for summer break! I bet everyone feels that way. Just to have some free time to spend with the kids without so much other "stuff" that seems to get in the way with life. Seems like this has been the week for prayer requests to be put on my platter, so I will share:
An old classmate from high school, Benji, is struggling with his life in a desperate need for a liver transplant...
My grandmother has lost her very special friend who died on Saturday. She really adored Jim and they did everything together. I just want to pray that this does not really get her down. She is 91 years old herself! (By the way, he was a strong Christian--so at least we know he is loving that new spiritual body right about now!)
A friend from my MOMS group has been dianosed with breast cancer. Her name is Angi.
I suppose that is all for now, yet these three people are heavy on my heart. I pray that everyone reading this is well and hope you are having a blessed week.

Funny little lesson...

So much that has happened and so little time to write! My life has been in a whirlwind lately. I am sorry that this is always the first thing that has to go, but I am sure that you understand! I have to share a story that goes along with one of my previous posts. I am sure you remember when I told you I really don't do well when Philip is out of town. Well, I have really been doing better. My daily time with God coupled with lots of prayer over this issue has really given me a new attitude on his trips. Guess what? God has a sense of humor. I have said that before concerning my twins, but I really felt it this week. As I mentioned before, I have really been doing much better with Philip being gone. He was gone two weeks in a row (home on the weekend) these past two weeks. I had almost made it to the end of the two weeks when this sense of humor became quite evident! I had decided to sit down and read my latest book from the library for a few minutes of quiet time. Those few minutes turned in to several hours of reading. About 11:40pm, I heard a sudden noise at my front door. I listened for only a few seconds as I determined someone was jiggling the lock of my door. I was officially freaked out at this time, so I grabbed the phone (to call 911, if needed) and ran to push against the door. By this time, I am really getting mad. Who breaks in to your front door with your front porch lights on? Everyone could see whoever it was... So, here I am perplexed and wondering who is on the other side of this door. The noise stops. Even though I am mad, I have a little fear mixed in. Should I look? I couldn't stand it. I wanted to see this not so intelligent criminal. I peeked. No One is there!!! I looked out both windows (on both sides of the door) three times. This is crazy. Would you like to know who was walking away the last time I looked. A POSSUM! That little possum hiney just waddled its way away from my door like nothing had happened. Thankfully that was over! I calmed down and went to bed about 45 minutes later. This was the night that we had some big storms. I would love to say that this story is over, but I unfortuately have more to report! At 3:25 am, I was woken up to my alarm (not activated, just beeps when we open the door). The front door was opened by the 60 mile an hour gusts of winds we were having with the thunderstorms. If that doesn't get your heart beating, I am not sure what will! I had the hardest time going back to sleep. A little after 4 in the morning, I finally dozed off. Can I just tell you I am confident God was reminding me that I must daily sacrifice any issue I need Him to be in control of. I had been trying to be diligent to put God in control of my life every morning. What I was realizing was that I can put Him in control in the morning, but all it took was a screaming 3 year old and I was resorting to being back in control. So, I suppose my point is that God was reminding me to put Him in control of mine and my children's safety when Philip is gone. What a funny way for God to teach me a lesson! I sure do like this one better than the ones that cause my heart pain!!! Take care...

Honeymoon ended...

I haven't written in forever!!!!! I was trying to think of a funny story to share. Seems like I would be flooded with them since I haven't written in so long. Ok. I have one. The twins seem to always be my big source of funny stories, so here it goes. Lately, the boys have been a little devilish. I know that you can hardly imagine that with the halos that glow over their heads, but I am here to tell you that they have sprouted horns again! My hubby and I have been talking about it and we decided to implement a saying our previous Sunday school teachers would use with their children. The saying is that they must obey the first time, everytime with a happy heart. I was amazed when we started using this saying. It seemed that the words held magic. For the first two days, everytime they had an attitude, were mad or just a little less than perfect, I would remind them gently that we should obey the first time, everytime and they would fill in with a happy heart. Then, they would obey!!! This was so great. I was beginning to think I should have implemented this a long time ago! Every time I would say it, they would immediately behave!!!!! Well, after two days, the honeymoon phase of this ended. To say I was disappointed was an understatement! So, on the third day, I was having a moment with the boys and again reminded them of our little saying except this time Will said in a very gruff voice and a very animated but mean expression, "I gots a bad happy heart!" I usually hold it together pretty well during discipline, but this time I couldn't help but laugh. Unfortunately, it did not help the situation at hand and we ended up with spankings, but it really was funny! I know that is not the best of stories, but I had to give you one on the spot and it was all I could come up with! With that in mind I have to say that this week God has done an amazing thing in my heart. I am a work in progress, but this week I have been learning how not to be in control. I have prayed that God would use me and not only that but that I would allow Him to use me in all the situations of my life. Sounds pretty easy in words, but it is quite difficult. I also added to my prayer that I want Him to remind me that when my children disobey that I would look at it with a different attitude. I had gotten in a rut of only thinking of how my kids were putting me out with discipline. Why can't I just have perfect children anyway? Just kidding! I have asked though that God would allow me to see discipline as an opportunity to mold their character. Just like He is the potter and we are the clay, I want to allow God to use me (vessell) to help to mold my children to have the characteristics that God so cherishes in us. He does work in us in many ways to mold us. Sometimes painful. Sometimes difficult. But in the end, we are striving to be more spiritually mature. Isn't that your goal, too? I tell you what girls. I am feeling the hand of Christ on my life and I couldn't feel more blessed. I could go on and on with what God is teaching me right now, but I tell you my synopsis. Pray to crave God. Discipline yourself to daily read your Bible. Submit yourself, your husband and your children to Him daily. What would you do if someone told you..."You have all of God you want." Stop and really say it over a few times and think about what I am saying. Do you really have all of God you want? Does it convict you? It did me and I am here to say those simple words have been my seed to change my life. Did I mention the peace that God gives when you allow Him control? Wow! I dare you to try it. You will not want to turn back to your old lifestyle.
Isaiah 64:8 "Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."
Ephesians 4:22 "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
Jos. 1:8 "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful."
Psalms 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Hindsight...

My babies turned three today! I suppose that they are not officially babies anymore and I am sure that I won't have anymore myself--that is unless God intervenes! (I had my tubes tied.) I have been thinking of all these sweet thoughts of those precious babies all week. Thinking of how my days feel so long yet the years are flying by. As I looked through pictures of all the kids and thought all these sweet thoughts, I couldn't help but look forward to today. Even though it was a little emotional! I thought I would get up early and do my quiet time. When the boys got up, I envisioned singing them Happy Birthday and getting a big boy hug! My day dream had little birds singing around me like Snow White as I treasured the kids this morning. I bet you can tell that there is a but to this story. I got up with a terrible headache as well as just being extremely sleepy. That was ok. I can deal with that. So, I got to work on my quiet time. Things are going well, but the boys got up early. No big deal. I thought I would just turn on Disney channel while I finished up my quiet time. As they came down the stairs, I said HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BOYS! My third clue to this morning now came..."No my birthday!" Ben said. I tried in the mommie fashion to tell him, Ya hoo. Today is your birthday and you are three!!! Well, at least this time there was no fussing! Will then asked me to get him some milk. I told him that mommy needed to finish her study and then I would get it. But I first must sing to my darling 3 year olds! As I started my own American Idol version of Happy Birthday, Will yelled at me in the meanest little three year old voice..."You no sing me!!!!!!!! AGGGHGH!" This morning was not quite what I had envisioned! In fact, to drive his point home, Will decided to throw his prized Geotrax engines towards me. By this time, I had totally lost my focus. On God, that is. In fact, the headache and sleepiness were egging on my flesh. But, you will be proud. I held it together. No screaming. No fussing. I calmly handled this situation. Took the older kiddos to school. Then off to the grocery. Then to Bible study. Dropped the boys off with their teacher. Then, wrote a quick pick-me-up card to a friend who has been sick. Ah. To hear Jean Stockdale speak. It was like the Holy Spirit was whispering in my ear. I am refreshed! Can I just tell you all it took was getting in the car and heading to the older kids school to get me all caught up in my flesh again! Will and Ben had speech evaluations today. To accomplish this though, we had to split them up. No big deal. I wore my big girl panties today and I can handle this. While Will was in the room, I took Ben around the school. Do you know how hard it is to keep a three year old quiet in a school. I forgot to mention that his volume level is close to those monkeys in the zoo that scream so loud you hear them no matter where you are in the zoo! Then, we switched off. As sweet as the teacher said he was for her, Will sprouted horns for me. He threw a tantrum, screamed and flailed his body in such a manner that I was having trouble holding the little 35 pound angel that I was being so sentimental about just hours before! Isn't it funny when you feel like you are in His Word and you are living His Word, then a moment (or should I say your day) goes haywire! Isn't it so hard to keep your focus on God. I have to admit I fell so short today. All I could think about was me and what I had to deal with. How selfish is that. I am pretty sure that I was fitting in to the "forgetful hearer" type that James talked about. Knowing how I should act, as Christ does, as a servant. And also to love. Not just fleshly love, but unconditional love(I Cor 13). Had I even gotten a small hint of this today, I am sure that I would have acted differently! Sometimes I amaze myself. I feel like I am doing pretty good, and then, BAM, I goof up. Thank goodness God is there to forgive me each and every time. Now I just have to go call my parents. They just so happened to pop in to tell the boys Happy Birthday this afternoon. Lets just say that I wasn't my most pleasant. I hope their forgiveness resembles Christ! Off for now.
Titus 2:11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12 It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,

Can I hear an AMEN!

Can I just tell you how good God is? I have been praying for my kids salvation alot lately. In fact, I had a dream that my kids and I were in a car wreck. Instantly, Ty along with Will and Ben went to heaven. My girls were doomed to hell. Can I tell you that after that dream, I have been earnestly praying for all of our kids. Well I know that God answers prayers, but it sure is funny when it happens so closely to when I pray for it. Emily came to me, of all times while I was cleaning the toilet, and told me she had been thinking about becoming a Christian. I told her that was wonderful news. We sat down and discussed it and then went to talk to daddy about this big decision. She prayed a simple, but very special prayer. She said, "I know you sent your Son to die for my sins. Would you let Jesus come to live in my heart?" So sweet. Luke 18:17 "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." I just can't explain what that means to my mother's heart to have my child not only a part of my earthly family, but now a part of my spiritual family. It brought tears to my eyes to hear her prayer. I also loved her excitement. She woke up this morning and totally made me laugh. "Mom, I am upset. I am going to have to miss my Sunday school class." I asked her why and she told me, "Silly! I have to get baptized!" Such zeal. I pray that she will have that zeal with her all the days of her life. Thank you, Jesus, for you being our precious Savior. Thank you for touching Emily's heart and bring her to You! I love you, my blessed Savior!!!!!

Funny for the day...

Just thought I would share a funny. My sweet KK came home from Sunday School on Sunday with a scowl on her face. I couldn't help but ask what in the world got her in such a little mood. She said, quite reluctantly, that she just HAD to get a little boy in trouble. I, of course, had to hear more detail so I asked her to tell me what had happened. She told me while she was in her class, a little boy came up to her and asked her a question. He asked, "Do you want to see my boo-boo?" I couldn't help but laugh at this comment. Yet, KK went on with her story telling me that she knew that saying that was not nice, especially at church. I confirmed, yes, she was right. Then I jokingly told her that this little boy might have been trying to get her attention. She laughed in her shy little way. A few minutes later, she asked me if Philip (my hubby) had asked me that to get my attention when we started dating! Philip and I couldn't stop laughing! So, that is my funny for today. By the way, little Will decided to take his diaper off again. Luckily, he did not pooh on the floor. He came and told me and we went pooh on the potty! YEAH! SUCCESS!
Laugh. Love. Live in Faith. Enjoy your babies and children.

Joy

I am thankful to say that the twins did not plot against me today. What a relief! As always in our household, there was a small issue with our 6 year old, aka wild woman. You may wonder why I call her that. Anyone who has met our little Emily can testify that wild woman is only putting it mildly! She is completely my opposite. She can "work a crowd" by getting a group of kids to do what she wants just because she can make it sound like fun. She has a great sense of humor and it an energetic ball of energy. She loves to dance and thinks she will one day be Hannah Montana's replacement. She is our Emily and we love her dearly. One thing our dear, sweet Emily struggles with is temper tantrums though. Yes, I know what you are thinking. A six year old!!! Yes, I know. We should be long past these terrible little fits, but we are not. I have spanked her, punished her and talked to her. Unfortunately, to little avail. This morning, she decided to enjoy a little TV time before school. This is one of those privileges that is not allowed on school mornings. After hearing this story, you will know why. Emily snuck these few little snippets of TV time relishing in the moment until I asked her what she was doing. She quickly ran upstairs to make herself look busy. Well, I could see at this point that we were not going to have a good morning today. When she gets a taste of relaxation, she just has a problem letting it go. For the time came to leave for school and I bet you can't imagine who did not have her shoes on, her bag packed or her jacket on (she also had forgotten to put her lunchbox up, so that was missing in action as well). These issues might not seem like much to you, but to Emily this is life shattering. I told her it was time to leave and proceded to take the twins out to get in the car. She started screaming. Not just a little scream but a gut wrenching, terrifying, torture to the ears kind of scream. I could hear her quite clearly from outside. In fact had I not been outside, I am pretty sure the neighbors might have called the police to investigate! What to do... I decided today to tell Emily she had a choice to make. She had to decide if she was going to obey by calmly getting into the car or walk herself to school. While the walking to school might be tempting on a warm day, today was no such day. It took her all of maybe 3 seconds to change her mind. The funny thing is that she was able to turn it off that quickly. If anyone has any good ideas on how to make her deal better with her frustration, bring it on! I have done all that my little miniscule mind can think up. It is amazing how God can allow us to have so much love for our little ones yet the frustration we feel when they are not quite perfect can be overwhelming at times. Can you imagine how God feels when we are disobedient? Disappointed? Upset? Frustrated over how many times He has told us? I can't help but wonder if He doesn't feel alot of the same feelings we feel as mothers and fathers. Yet He is gentle in His reminders . Sometimes watching a trial in our lives refine us. Always wanting the best for His children. Allowing us to faulter knowing that it will produce a step forward in spiritual maturity. So, in closing, I believe that this trial I went through with our sweet Emily today, although small, will help her to examine her heart. Thus, I am counting it joy that we went through a little frustration to reach a step forward in maturity! Count it all joy, sistas!

Naked Pottying

Potty training is so much fun! Will and Ben have been doing pretty good at it. Although it has not been something that comes naturally every day, we have been trying to use the potty every day. Wouldn't you know that the boys have really been good lately and I have not had any great stories to share...I am definately not complaining as I am thankful for no major messes. There is a but to this story though. This morning in the hecticness of trying to get everyone ready for school with lunches made, and the coats and backpacks ready to go, the boys did their normal routine of taking off their pjs for me. I really don't mind if they do this for it saves me a step. Well, I was packing lunches when I noticed the boys running around screaming, "I neakked! I neakked momma!" I tell them how proud I am of them and they continue running around the "track" as we call the circle that takes them from den to kitchen to dining room. A few moments later, I noticed that Will has gone completely naked and is now yelling "neakked dance mommie. I do neakked dance! Yeah!" This is my cue to find clothes and a diaper fast. Potty training or not, running naked around my house is not a good idea. I consider it like telling a dog not to eat a steak that is sitting on the edge of the table. So with that in mind I go immediately to get clothes. Will is still running around doing the naked dance. Ben decides to join in the naked dance, so being the smart mom I am I took them both to the potty to get it all out! Yeah. They both went and I am feeling good. After Will went, I sent him upstairs to get some more pull-ups. We had run out down stairs and a little errand never hurt a 2 year old. Ben finishes up in the bathroom and I have the clothes. Where is Will? Before I could fret, Will comes running up with a curious look. He turns around with his back to me, bends over and says, "My booty is dirty..." Can you guess what that little guy did? He went upstairs and literally pooped in the floor. This is a first. I have never had any of my children poop like an animal in the floor. Frankly, I never had even thought to mention in my prayers that I was thankful this had never happened. Well, I have been taught a lesson today. For I am hoping that I will never have to clean my childs poop out of the carpet again! Luckily, it wasn't too bad. I think my prayer for my boys tomorrow is that all the poo and pee will land in the right place...the potty.

Call on HIM!!!

Well, I am absolutely exhausted. I actually just took a shower and fell asleep while my eyes were closed. I woke up when I started to sway! I thought I would share a quick thought though. I have been doing a Bible study on Jehoshaphat and his ability to trust God. With that said, the study has been trying to make you think of areas where you are not trusting God completely. I prayed and ask God to show me areas in my life where trust is not working so well for me. That was yesterday morning. Last night, Philip and I went to the movies. We had a sitter and we were both just looking forward to some time together. After we left the house, we thought we might just see what was playing at the theater. I really did not recognize any films, but the one titled, P.S. I love you, seemed sappy and lovey and I thought that sounded great. Girls, can I just tell you I cried throughout the whole movie. The movie was focused around a couple in love. The husband passes away at the age of 35, but he sends his wife letters after his death. I was falling apart. While I was having a tissue moment, I realized God was using this to show me an area where I truely am not trusting God, fear. I never really would have said I wasn't wholly trusting in God in some areas of my life, but I was smacked between the eyes with this one. Since we married, I have had a fear of Philip passing away before me. It has intensified with each child we have had...most likely because I am scared to death of the thought of parenting 5 kiddos by myself. Long story short, read about King Jehoshaphat. To see the trust he had in God when a battle was ensuing toward him only 30 miles away is amazing. God told him to do nothing other than show themselves to the enemy. Jehoshaphat never fell short in the way he handled the situation with God. He used his trust in God to give him the strength to follow through with what God wanted him to do in that situation. How hard is it in our job of mothering to trust God and follow through on what we know we need to do as mothers? Sometimes I think the Holy Spirit needs a bullhorn to shout in my ear, "PRAY NOW!!!!!" For too many times I try to handle situations with the kids myself, instead of calling on our Savior. I have prayed that the Holy Spirit will be quick to remind me of what I need to hear in every situation...call on Him!

Stop and adore...

I can't believe I have let so much time pass since my last post. I promise to try to be better! We are getting back into the swing of things since Christmas. It feels good in a way to be back...yet another part of me yearns for summer! Seasons are like pregnancy. They are long and make you crave what is coming! Anyway, I sat down the other day to cut little Will and Ben's finger and toe nails. Ever since those boys were born, they couldn't possibly hate having their nails cut any more. They scream. They cry. They kick. I spank. I ask them to be nice. Then I spank harder. Then I loose the battle with my temper, and I sit the boys in daddy's lap to make them continue this dredful task. Well, when I attempted to do it the other day, I was pleasantly surprised to find both boys allowed me to do their fingernails with little to no fight. It was so nice to have those little guys mind me, I almost lost myself in this sweet little moment. Have you ever just gotten googly eyed over your baby when they did something just precious? That is how I get over obedience. Mushy. Lovey. Kisses galore for those little guys when they choose to mind me! Lets just say the moment didn't last long enough. I moved on to the toes and wow! You would have thought I was pulling Will's toes off to trim the nails. Back to the screaming and kicking. I finally finished this crazy task with a little daddy intervention! Wheew! Did you know that counting myself, I have 120 toes and fingers to keep up with. That is a bunch of fingers and toes! Luckily, my oldest is starting to do his own at times. Yeah! Only 100 left! Do you ever think of all the little tasks we have to do as moms? As well as all the big ones? Most days, I am so incredibly busy. Weary is a good way to describe most of my days. As I was cutting Will and Ben's little nails (when they were being so good and so still), I felt a whisper from the Holy Spirit. "Be still and know that I am God." That day had been especially hectic. In fact, even though is was around 7:30 at night, I am pretty sure that was the first time I had sat down that day. Just like how much I adore my kiddos when they are behaving, I adore those little tidbits that God knows I need to hear. Be still. Doesn't that seem almost too hard at times, yet that is what God wants us to do. Stop what you are doing right now and be still. Pray. You will never regret it! I read something in my Bible study this week. God looks forward to those times we have with Him just as much as we do. Don't let Him down!

Let the captives free!

After a long day of cleaning and cooking, I pick the kids up from school. I am exhausted and worn out. I have barely gotten anything done with chasing the twins from room to room. They seem to think it is alot more fun to destroy than to clean. With yet a longer list of things to do the next day. I have from 4-5 pm to get homework done, finish cooking dinner and slap a big smile on my face for the husband. Then comes dinner, dishes, bath time, laundry, etc, etc, etc. Do you ever dream of the day the kids come home only to say, "Hey, mom. I saw that you cleaned up. Can I ever thank you enough for the clean sheets. And the floors look great. I was real careful in the bathroom, because I could really tell you worked hard to get everything spotless. Mom, what would we do without you!?!" Then, your husband walks in. "Oh, honey, what an incredible job you have done today! Boy can I tell you have had a long day. Why don't we pack up and head out for dinner. I am sure that you are exhausted after such a job well done." Why is it that we crave a standing ovation over a toilet well cleaned? I can tell you girl! Being a mom doesn't always mean that your job gets a lot of thanks. In fact, the job of mothering can be a breeding ground for disappointment. How many times have I been there! Satan knows that and is ready for attack. Have you ever gotten disappointed and then realized that disappointment was just the beginning? Your thoughts are sometimes funny. For example, I have thought that my children were my arch enemies when they come home from school. Having to remind myself that they really did not plot against my clean floor by daring to eat Oreos and dropping their little crumbs everywhere! Then, when I find myself noting to never buy Oreos EVER AGAIN at the store, I come to my senses and realize that there is no mastermind plot to overcome the clean floor! Kids will be kids. More importantly though, I am realizing one of my major struggles as a mom is my thoughts. I can get stuck in this disappointment stage and my mind can take me where it shouldn't. Thinking I am a terrible mother. Thinking my husband must not really love me. Wondering if everyone would be better off without me. Daydreaming about getting a job where someone may think I do a good enough job to pat me on the back. Those are just some of the thoughts I struggle with. I can't help but think that I am not the only one. Satan is taking hold of me in just a tiny instance and proceeding to take God's plan out of my head. God put us all in this precious spot of mothering and our job is so important. Look at how many instances mothering resembles the life of Christ. We are servants, disciples, leaders, lovers, disciplinarians, and I am sure their is even more similarities than I have thought of spur of the moment. Claim a verse that will bring you out of thought captivity! I have started saying, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord My Rock and My Redeemer"!(Ps 19:14) Let the captives free!