From the time I found out I was having twins, my life went into a whirlwind. My plans were suddenly not the same plans that God had chosen and to be quite honest, it just didn't sit well with me. When my hubby and I had talked about having one more child, I had visions of this child being treasured, cherishing and relishing in every moment that I was given to be with him/her. Well, then came the news that my husband felt led to not even try for another. God has blessed us with three healthy children and as he said, why test the odds with a forth. Approximately two weeks later, guess what I found out. We are pregnant. So, okay I am pregnant and trying to drum up a little excitment in between feeling sick and exhausted while keeping up with the other three children. Then at 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, crying frantically in the ultrasound room to the poor technician that had the awesome responsibility to tell me and my husband that we are having twins, I officially loose it. I was in shock for the rest of my pregnancy and then I cried every day for the first 10 months of their lives. After that, I just couldn't find joy in any of my children. All of a sudden, God was my enemy. Didn't He hear me when I told Him in countless prayers that I wanted A child? Did He have some twisted sense of humor trying to see if I could handle five children with two that looked completely alike? I tell you what sister, I can't even write a portion of the thoughts that went through my head. I was leading a life of self-inflicted torture. Everyday I found it difficult to step out of bed. My family was becoming a piece of baggage. Have I begun to put into words just how self-absorbed and tragic my life had become? All because I failed to accept God's plan. When this happened, I began to have so many other things fall apart. Basically, my head was not screwed on straight! Okay, I know this is a depressing post, but it is the truth. Christians go through struggles too and I hope that this is a lesson for anyone that has a trial in their life that really doesn't know how to deal with it or like me, instead of running to the Cross, ran to their pity party! I have often wondered if God chose to write a book in the Bible about me, what would He say? It would probably be a book on what not to do! But, I am pretty sure this would be in there. Because it is such a lesson on how not to handle things in your life when they do not go your way. Now, I can't imagine my life without any of my kids and especially my twins. I see God's mighty hand in my life and He has used two little boys to allow me to see the errors of my thinking. I failed to see the "big picture". God has plans for all of us and what we fail to see is the great illustration of how God is using all of us to accomplish His awesome and mighty plan. If the goal was just to become a Christian, we would die in our flesh immediately upon salvation. No, girl, God has wonderful plans for you.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "
Don't allow Satan to take from you what is rightfully yours. Keep your mind set on the things above, then you will find joy in times like these because you will have confidence that they are producing a more spirtually mature person in you.
Ro 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Hebrews 12:7 "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"
One of my sons is named Will. Now, what a perfect reminder that it was not only God's will that I have these two boys, but also that He got to use them to allow me to see how important my job as a mother is as well as how to better react when I encounter trials!
James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds."
Psalm 127:3 "Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward."
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1 comment:
Spoken like the mom of 5 small children. I appreciate your transparency. We are too quick to try to act like the Christian life and in reality-life is hard. Praise God that Jesus is walking with us through the struggles and storms of this life, but the Spirit-filled life does not always look neat and tidy! Until your children rise up and call you blessed, let me. Bless you, dear one.
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